I'm a Junk Food Junkie (and vegan is no guarantee...)

I've decided that the self-pity train has basically run its course, so I will try not to subject my vast readership to too many more updates on my broken body issues (like forced left-handedness, potential theological or other issues, or graphic descriptions of my injuries, because it's kind of time to move on), but since I just took the time to link to those posts, you should read them if you haven't yet!  

No, it's time to get back on the original track (see how I did the train reference again?) of this blog - the things I struggle with eating and exercise-wise.  Nathan and I have been working together at the bike shop a lot this summer, and yesterday we went out for breakfast before he started his day.  We ended the day with the family getting Jimmy John's at 9:30 p.m. due to our weird schedule, and this morning he and I are paying the price, so to speak, so I thought of this post that's been knocking around my head for a while.

I'm a fan of convenience foods because, well, because they're just so darn convenient.  And I'm pretty sure that folks my age and maybe a little older were kind of on that cutting edge of prepared, boxed, bottled, frozen, and otherwise "look! you, too, can have it all, and it's so easy" kind of things: breakfast cereals of ALL varieties, chips, candy, pop, etc.  (I know these all existed prior to my knowing about them, but it seems like my generation was the one where they really entered the mainstream.)  My mom actually owned a waffle iron.  I never saw it in use, because we could go buy Eggo waffles for the toaster.  And they were delicious!  (One of my earliest memories of "maybe I have a problem" was one Saturday morning when mom went to work and I was up early.  When my dad woke up and came to check on me in the family room, his first words were, "what the hell are you eating?" as he looked at the potato chips and can of Pepsi next to me on the floor.  Hey, it was Saturday morning cartoon time!!  Come on, Doc!  Give me a break here...  I was about 11, I think.)

Know what, though?  That breakfast was VEGAN.  Yep.  MMmm, Pepsi and chips.  I was vegan before I even knew what the word was!

Here are some other vegan items, in case you were wondering:

 

I know I said "other," but these are my favorite!

Mmmmm...  Breadsticks.  (If they're made with eggs, they're not vegan, but you can easily do French bread without eggs.)

OK, Pop Tarts without frosting suck.  But they're vegan.

EVERYTHING'S better when it sits on a Ritz.

OMG!!!  FRITOS ARE VEGAN?????

I haven't tried these, but am not against the idea :)

So.  "OK, just what the heck is your point?"  Hang on, I'm getting there.  The thing is that pretty much everyone (I learned that statistic in a non-scientific survey entitled "what do you think about the vegan diet" that I pretty much asked myself the question for) figures that the vegan diet is a healthy diet.  I'm here to tell you as a lifelong fan of convenience foods that nothing could be further from the truth.  Like ANY diet, food plan, lifestyle, or whatever you call how you get nutrients into your body, vegans can be subject to the same problems and issues that caused the problem in the first place!

Wait, what?  That sucks.  You mean I have to watch what I eat even if it's free of all of those nasty animal products that cause high cholesterol, increased weight gain, etc.?  Yep.  And sugar?  Dude.  Sugar is vegan!  It's a plant!  Wooohoooo, get my spoon and bring my box of Froot Loops (mhmm - also vegan).  Wow.  This could get ugly again.

BUT...  All is not lost!  I've mentioned that I'm a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, and I learned lots of great things from them.  The first leader I was fortunate to be acquainted with, Nancy Bruins, had several great little sayings to remind us of things.  (My favorite, though it doesn't fit what I'm saying, was "true fact?"  She would ask that when she said something obvious, like "if you eat three elephant ears at the fair, you'll be off your plan for the day. True fact?"  And we'd nod and chuckle.  Nancy passed several years ago, and the world lost a very cool person.)  One of the other things from WW - "if it's icky, be picky!"  Sometimes, when craving something sugary, I'll grab for almost anything.  And sometimes it's not so good!  And yes, sometimes I'll eat it anyway because I want the sweetness.  Icky?  PUT IT DOWN and walk away.  It's not worth it.  (I do understand that the obverse of this is to go find something you do like, like a bag of m&m's, but still...)  

Here's the best one, though, and it works for me most of the time.  I don't know if "red light foods" is a WW term or if Lisa came up with it herself, but it really works.  She talked about levels of food based on health, cravings, points, etc.  For me, the "cravings" category was the strongest.  And she would have us rank them - "green light" foods were things that were in the program, that we could eat without getting out of control, and that were considered healthful.  So veggies, fruits, and many other obvious things went in that category.  Yellow lights were things that we knew could potentially cause trouble but weren't the highest risk.  Red light foods?  Don't even start them.  I have a whole list of red light foods.  There are things I should never even start eating, and I try to keep them out of my house.  Friends of ours have a little candy dish in their kitchen that is always filled with m&m's.  RED LIGHT!  "Oooh, look, m&m's!  And moments later a half-pound bag is gone.  So I try to keep away from them, because I know it will end badly.  How do people keep those in the open, out of the bag, and not just devour them?  Clearly not a red light food in that house.

Now I find out that there are vegan foods that have to be red lighted.  I'm not sure how many others out there can demolish the above-pictured bag of Fritos in a single sitting.  I can.  And I'm not even breathing hard.  Unfrosted Pop Tarts would be a green light food for me, because I'd maybe eat one.  Not a fan in general; take off the frosting and there's no point to the thing at all.

And my journey of discovery and health continues on the path that I've chosen.  The foods you choose, be they vegan, paleo, vegetarian, or omnivore, are up to you.  Any or all of them can cause weight gain or other problems for your body and health, though, so you need to know the potential for anything that you try.  Yesterday's meals for me did include eggs and cheese (call me a non-vegan or whatever you want, I still love the occasional egg and don't plan to give them up), and I even had some sausage in my hash brown omelette.  THAT I can easily give up, but it's still something that I enjoy eating.  

Back on the wagon today!  The best about doing all of this is realizing that 1) I don't feel as good when I don't eat well; 2) I know that I can be satisfied, even full, when I do eat well; 3) because this isn't a "diet" I don't feel like I've cheated per se.  I know I can readjust and get back on track easily (whoa, another train thing, though I used "track" again...).  Maybe #3 is just a different mindset or outlook for me, though.  I mean, I still cheated, but maybe I've decided a more positive thought for what happened.  Those who really know me are wondering if I had to actually look up the word "positive" to check how it's spelled...  (I didn't, by the way - I can be very positive  that something will go wrong, after all.)  

So there you go.  Please forgive the rambling nature of this one, but sometimes I don't really have the time to connect all the dots; you'll have to do that yourself today!  I'm off to do some stuff for the day, like go to school, have a coffee with a friend, and then PT, bike ride, and chiropractor, so the blogging has to be done.  See you soon!  I'll leave you with this, from some point in my past:

It's a Right-Handed World...

Well, faithful followers, it's been six weeks since the end of my summer cycling season, so I thought I would update you on my recovery as well as some of my frustrations and observations.

First of all, I started physical therapy last week, and the therapist was reasonably impressed with my range of motion after just over a month.  (She is the same one I was working with on my tendinitis, etc. in the spring, and as I was leaving last week she said, "if I remember right, I told you to be careful when you left last time."  And she was indeed right; I was almost home free with well-functioning shoulders two days before my crash.  We even discussed the idea of being done with therapy and saving one or two appointments as follow-up visits!  Ah, well...)

I have been doing some very light riding on the road after several sessions on the trainer.  I am riding my Cannondale Bad Boy outside, which is pretty upright.  I added a high-rise stem and lowered the seat a little to take more pressure off my arms and shoulders.  I think I am going to switch to the mountain bike, though, and get the added benefit of the front shock; PT is concerned about any road vibration traveling through my shoulder and affecting the healing of the break.

Speaking of healing, apparently there's nothing they can really see on an X-ray for several more weeks, so the doctors rely on what I tell them and what they and I can feel as far as movement, etc.  There is relatively little movement in the break area, but occasionally I feel a sharp pain there, which indicates that the broken edges are rubbing together and/or the newly-formed bone is irritated due to movement.  The collarbone, being broken in the middle, is now the weak link in the chain of rotation, so if I bring my arm across my body too far, IT starts to rotate instead of my shoulder, bringing about the pain.  Good times!  And because of how that area is constructed, it's pretty impossible to cast it or do anything besides keep it as still as possible during the day.  I have been cleared to not wear the sling, but I still try to keep my arm relatively relaxed and out of the way.

Which brings up the title of this post.  I learned early in the healing process that being left-handed (especially since I'm very right-handed) is not very easy to deal with!  Obviously since I'm nearing 50 (18 more days) and am totally right hand dominant this is a true statement, but in general lefties indeed have to adapt to everyone else's preferences.  Paper towel dispensers in public restrooms, lots of entry doors, heck, even the zippers on pants are all geared to right hands.  Now this might not really be a big deal if I'd grown up as a lefty in the world of rights, but when the goal is to keep my right arm from rising above my shoulder level (so paper towels from the bathroom are tough to get) and I'm not supposed to pull or push with it too much (try opening a door to a business by crossing your left arm over your body and pulling it to the right...), it becomes apparent that lots of things at least face a direction that makes it easier to do them with your right hand.  I have mentioned the paper towel dispensers and zippers; they are indeed connected.  I will leave you to your own conclusions as to one of my dilemmas.  Fortunately I am able to do lots more stuff with my right arm at this point, but the first couple weeks were very challenging!  I even switched my belt in my jeans around so I could pull it closed with my left hand!

Other things that I've observed?  

• Your body strives for balance even if you are strongly dominant with one hand/side.  I can't count the number of times that I've tried to do something with my left hand and it's difficult to do because my right side wants to help.  Not as much because I'm used to doing it that way, but because that's the way things operate.  That whole "equal and opposite reaction" kind of thing, I suppose.
• It's surprising where the effort really is when you're doing something.  I brewed a batch of beer the other day, with some assistance from Nathan and Dana in doing some lifting and carrying.  For the most part I did it without using my right arm much.  There were a couple instances, though, where I knew I had to do something backward from the norm, and I found out that even though I usually do it "right," the actual effort comes from the left.  So when I planned ahead and switched from what I usually do, it didn't work!  
• There are lots of times during the day, in the course of normal activities, in which one arm or the other crosses your body for something.  I'm not talking about way across, either; just passing the center line.  Which means, for me, anyway: I apply deodorant to both pits with my left hand (it's getting pretty flexible).  I haven't thoroughly washed my entire face in six weeks.  I still brush my teeth mostly left-handed (still doesn't feel right...).  Showering and drying off are a challenge.  Putting my contacts in has gotten easier but is still not back to normal.
• I am actually quite glad that this didn't happen during the school year.  Even though it has totally wrecked my summer (I usually ride between 500 and 600 miles each in June and July, for instance), I can't imagine trying to work a full schedule even now after six weeks.  My back muscles usually last about 3-4 hours at the shop, at school working at my desk, or whatever I'm doing at home before I need a significant rest period.  They're protecting my ribs, according to the medical professionals, and that makes sense.  But they get pretty tense and sore!  I'm down to two short shifts at the shop (and thankful for an understanding owner!), and when I go to school to get stuff done I manage about two hours at a stretch before something has to change or I have to be done.  Although the collarbone was the more horrific-looking injury, my ribs have been the ones that have caused the most pain and suffering.  "Oh, your ribs are just along for the ride," was the statement of the PA at the orthopedic surgeon's office.  "They're used pretty constantly, so you'll feel that for a long time.  They'll heal up fine, though."  Yep.  That seems to be accurate so far.
• I'm a pretty impatient person.  I know that this comes as quite a shock for some of you...  It's very annoying to feel fine but still not really be able to do anything.  The PT pretty firmly vetoed getting on the road bike any time soon at all; between the increased fall risk (true enough, I guess, based on rider position) and the road vibration without a lot of shock absorption available, she doesn't want me shaking the bones apart.  And even though I might not notice it, and it may not be a serious issue, the more of that stuff I do the longer it will ultimately take to heal properly and completely.  So I will continue my two or three ten-mile rides per week, slow and easy, and make sure I am very careful about how and where I'm riding my upright frames.  Maybe a fat bike ride on the beach would be good: soft, squishy ride on a soft, squishy surface.  And it's always slow enough that falls are easy to stop by just putting my feet down.
• I have to say that this is another instance in which I am so thankful for health insurance and other benefits.  There has been zero hesitation on my part to first go to the ER, followed by visits to the orthopedic surgeon, physical therapist, and the chiropractor.  I even called my family doc to see if he wanted to see me for a follow-up (he didn't).  I basically took the last five days off of school, using several of my accumulated sick days.  I have frequently thought, over the last several weeks, about what life would have been like without that available to me.  No sick days?  I guess I'd either have lost pay or gone to work in serious pain.  Physical therapy not covered by insurance?  No insurance at all?  Sure, after the ER visit (they can't turn folks away regardless of ability to pay) I could have made it to recovery in a sling and following what the docs there had told me.  But my insurance is indeed very good, so no problem.  My point here is that my job, level of income or education, or any other factor, should NOT be a factor in my level of health care, but for many people that is exactly the case.  Can we continue to think that this is OK?

OK, that's enough of that last thought.  It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I am planning another batch of homebrew later today, and the upcoming week has no fewer than three dinners planned with students/friends/former students (sometimes these categories intertwine), more prep for band camp (the drumline has begun rehearsals already!), and in general more reminders that life is pretty great.  My weight fluctuates around three pounds or so, still hovering in the area of a 35-38 pound loss overall.  THAT could certainly be a lot worse based on my activity level!

Stay tuned for some kind of 50th birthday post, in which I admit that I have received not one, but TWO solicitations from AARP...  I've never been bothered by a milestone birthday (30 and 40 were no big deal), but the sound of "50" is definitely different.  I'm certainly in the best shape of my adult life, so the number is just a number; I'm not sure why this one sounds different than any other.  You'll have to come back and see if I figure it out!!

Questions I've Been Asked

If you've been reading my stuff for a while, you remember a few posts ago - "Things I've Heard."  I thought I would take a slightly different tack on this one and relay some Q&A that I have experienced.  So here we go!

"But what can you EAT?"  This is a fun one, because Dana and I have been what I call 95% vegan for about eight months.  (She is way closer to 100; I slack in the eggs and occasional pizza departments.)  And the answer is so ridiculously simple.  Plant food.  No animal products.  So no meat, fish, eggs (well...), etc.  Some vegans take this as far as also using no honey, because honey is an animal product.  I don't think I really get that one, because when I refer to "animal products" I am referring to actually eating the animals and their meat or milk, etc.  I don't see honey as being the same, but some people do, and I can respect that.  The list of things we can eat is really pretty huge, and it's been a surprisingly easy transition for us.  To be honest there has been a LOT of pasta (which we try to buy gluten free, because we both feel better when we don't have gluten - more on that later), PLENTY of Mexican (not that this is a problem!), and an abundance of salad-type things (which can get a little old...).  But if you do a simple web search you can find tons of vegan recipes.  Some of our favorites are things like Vegan Mac-n-Cheese (from the Detoxinista - find it here) made with cashews and nutritional yeast; Mexican Lasagna, which is what it sounds like - a layered dish with lots of awesome Mexican flavors (Margaux Drake made this one - her recipe is here); and a really wild "pulled pork" sandwich made with jack fruit, which is some kind of Asian vegetable...  The lasagna dish is the only one that makes sense from an expectation point of view; the mac and cheese and the BBQ thing shouldn't taste or feel like they do, but they're great.  At Erin's open house we featured a mac-n-cheese buffet, and the vegan stuff was gone first.  (Check out the Post Punk Kitchen for one of our favorite cookbooks - Vegan With a Vengeance.)

"So how do you get enough protein?"  This one is a little tougher to answer and to accomplish for some folks, but the simple answer is "nuts, nut milk, and many different high-protein vegetables."  Kale, asparagus, and several other green leafy veggies are high in protein.  Peanuts, almonds, cashews, walnuts, lentils, peas (I hate peas...), tofu (it's an acquired taste...), chickpeas (I am a hummus junkie!!), and many other easy sources.  My own personal challenge is making sure I get enough of the high-protein stuff in during the day instead of all carbs, which is very easy to do.  Whole wheat pasta, brown rice pasta, etc. are relatively protein rich compared to the regular stuff, though.  Based on my recent numbers at my annual physical I think I am doing fine.

 "Why couldn't you do the paleo diet?"  No reason.  If that's your thing and it makes you happy and healthy, then you should do it.  I think I got into the whole "I can eat whatever I want as long as I exercise" myth, and the radical change in lifestyle had to happen in order to combat that.  See, I would say things to myself like, "I'll just ride a little farther tomorrow" to justify eating this or that thing, and none of them were good decisions food-wise.  The vegan idea kind of forced me into a new way of thinking so I couldn't do that.  I had the same trouble with the Weight Watchers program, I think.  I am a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, and I learned lots of great stuff from two great leaders in their program.  I lost 25 pounds the first time I joined WW.  And I think part of it for ME, anyway, was the "rules" thing.  I need them, and the plan provided them for me.  The plan changed over the years to make it far easier for folks to have normal, every day foods in moderation, which is great for most people, but didn't work for me.  Because I simply can't go to McDonald's and have a regular burger and small fries (12 points, according to this); I'd go with that plan and end up with the Big Mac and large fries, totaling a whopping 29.  I'd promise myself I'd ride farther the next day, or eat less for dinner and that sort of thing, you know?  So now there are places and things that are just OFF my list, and that helps me more.  Weight Watchers has been ranked #1 in weight-loss diets, #3 in best diets overall, and ranks highly in several other categories you can see here.  And it is great for so many people and I applaud the efforts of the corporation and the leaders and the results of their members, but it no longer worked for me.  Please don't read anything else into that paragraph!!

"What about gluten?"  Well, if you believe the latest, there's a possibility that gluten allergies, and even sensitivities, don't exist.  I don't know what to believe here, but I will tell you what I told the person who asked this question: I feel better when I'm gluten-free or watching my gluten intake.  There's less bloating, less discomfort in my digestive tract in general, I don't feel all lethargic, etc.  I don't think I have a gluten allergy or am even sensitive by the medical definition (as in I don't have Celiac disease), but I can't argue with how I feel when I eat less of it.  And let me tell you what a FAN I am of gluten-related products!  Bread, bagels, pasta, baked goods, etc.  I love them ALL.  "Man cannot live by bread alone?"  Let me at least give it a try!  I'll make a good run at it!  So I have cut way back on it, and am using more sprouted grain breads and such, but we've only found exactly ONE excellent gluten-free sandwich roll (burger bun...).  Everything else that's gluten-free falls short somewhere in the taste/mouthfeel/bite categories.

"Don't tell me you've given up BEER?"  Oh, please.  It's not gluten-free, it's not necessarily vegan, and...  Oh, never mind.  You can have my pint glass when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Besides, I have way too much invested in my brewing equipment!

"What is it like on the bike and stuff for you?"  Between the weight loss of almost 40 pounds and the different fuel for my body, I have NEVER been stronger or faster on the bike.  The last ride I took before the fateful crash was with the Tuesday night group, and I rode with the "Hot" group and kept up for 30 miles.  My average speed at the end of the night was nearly 19 MPH, and that figure had never even entered my thoughts prior to that night.  Indeed you are able to ride faster in a group, and I had two trusted and faithful buddies who kept pulling me along and taking my turn at the front the last few miles, but that was a ride not to be believed based on my history.  The food choices and fuel I'm using must have at least something to do with it, right?

As you can see, LOTS of research went into this post.  I love Google...  Let me know if you have any more questions!

Monthly Update

This one will be short, since there's not a lot to update you on based on the past 27 days.  I could officially wait until Monday to do this, and get the actual month completely finished, but I'm sitting here with nothing to do, so here you go.

First of all, if you read my last post you know that the most disappointing thing of my entire calendar year (and potentially my entire cycling career) was the fact that the weather and ALL conditions for the National 24-Hour Challenge were perfect.  Of all the times I signed up, this was the best.  Nothing can compare...

Anyway, let's not dwell on the past.  This week I decided to try my luck on the trainer again, so Nathan hooked me up with my official trainer tire and got the bike set up for me, and as of today I have done three sessions of 25, 25, and 35 minutes.  About seven miles each time.  I can reach the bars with my right arm now, but I know it will not hold me up and I can tell that it is not strong enough for any kind of reaction time as far as brakes and shifting if I were on the road.  My back hurts after that much time, but today (35 min) was better and easier than the first two days this week.  The legs are willing, but the back is weak, to coin a familiar phrase :)

I sneezed yesterday, too...  Have you ever been terrified to sneeze?  I was.  Do you remember the last time you sneezed?  I do.  Sort of.  Basically I know I didn't sneeze at all from May 31 to June 26.  Guaranteed.  And it wasn't too bad, thank goodness!  I definitely felt it, but the ribs held on.

Number stuff:

Weight as of January 1, 2013    226 lbs
Weight as of June 27, 2014       188 lbs
Net loss                                        38 lbs

There was a moment yesterday when the scale read 185, so that was cool.  At this rate I might still make 50 pounds by my 50th birthday in 33 days.  Probably not, but you never know.  I have always found it interesting that my weight can fluctuate 2-3 pounds in a day, though.

I'm planning to try some light outdoor workouts next week and see how it goes, but not on the road bike.  I'll adjust the seat on the Bad Boy and use the upright position and flat bars to my advantage and take a couple easy spins around the block.  (Since the bars are flat, the above-mentioned brakes and shifters are all at the end of my arms/hands instead of around the curve of the bars.)

Like I said, this will be a short one.  And it was.  See you later.

I'm Not Sure Where This One Will Go

I actually started this post over a week ago but wasn't sure I wanted to publish it; I am leaving some of it in its pre-published form since those were the thoughts I was having at that time, you know?  So I will provide updates where I think they're necessary and let you sort out the rest.  Happy reading!

So the last ten days have provided me with ample time to think about many, many things.  I have tried to NOT think about several of them,  and some of them take me to places I'd rather not go.  Want to come along?  I'll take you through some of my thoughts of the last week or so...
    Update: it's been 20 days as of today.  Some of the following thoughts are still here or return occasionally:

At least I didn't die.  Boom.  Right out of the house with the big one.  But I've had some difficulty stopping it.  I grew up in a "worst-case-scenario" kind of house, and I've already explained in these pages how much of a pessimist I am, so this one, while unpleasant, isn't surprising.  When I think of all the things that COULD have happened sometimes I just shudder and close my eyes and try to think of ANYTHING else.  
      Update: I still think of the worst case.  But it is getting easier to put the thoughts of head injury, spinal cord injury, and death out of my head.  A huge number of my fellow riders have said "that's just the way things are; you crashed.  Move on."  They're right.

I am so angry right now.  Mostly at myself, obviously.  And the fact that I screwed up "my year" on the bike.  I have never felt so good on the bike, never so strong, never so fast.  And I screwed it up in about 45 seconds.  Careful readers will remember that over the last 18 months I have lost 35 pounds (up a couple since the crash...), I was over 1,000 miles on the bike by mid-May, and was totally and completely primed to crush my 24-Hour Challenge record this coming weekend.  And now I can't ride outside until September (that much is clear; I plan on being on the stationary trainer ASAP, though).
    Update: Still pissed...  The 24-Hour Challenge passed the other day, and it was hands down the best day for it that I could remember.  PERFECT weather and conditions.  All my friends are riding and getting better and I am stuck at home.  Stationary trainer this weekend!

I am also very sad and disappointed right now.  The sad and disappointed kind of run around with the angry, so just read the above paragraph again and save us all some time.  I remember when I was a kid (and even sometimes as an adult) being sick or otherwise away from school and looking at the clock and thinking about what everyone at school was doing at that moment.  I am guessing that this coming weekend will be the worst part of that, and then maybe I will be able to move ahead.  I am considering heading to the 24-Hour course this weekend and grabbing my shirt and water bottle, since they said they'd send them to me anyway, but I don't know if that will be better or worse.
     Update:  I didn't go to the course, but indeed marked the passage of time with my goals for the day.  Sunday morning I wondered, at 7:45, if I would have made it to my goal of 275 miles.  There are many times during the days when I wish I could be doing something that involves things I can't do (I did the dishes left-handed yesterday; I hate doing dishes, but needed to do something!).  Ironically, many times during a regular summer I long to be lazy...

I think I am tired of anything theologically-related.  Between my thoughts and others' comments, I'm not even sure what to think here.  "Your guardian angel must have been there."  Yep.  Whew.  "It wasn't your time, I guess."  Pretty sure that one was a joke.  I hope...  See, the more I dwell on this whole line of thought the murkier it gets.  Why was MY guardian angel working when, for instance, the one in charge of former Olympic swimmer Amy VanDyken was clearly not on the job?  I know, I know, my upbringing and subsequent education tell me that the answer is "it's all part of God's plan."  But I'm having a little trouble between the angel thing and the plan thing.  A conversation with my sister and frequent family therapist Pam brought this up last week.  She and I are at least partly in the same camp.  Neither of us wants to do the "there but for the grace of God..." line, you know?  Because does God really choose like that?  And if so, why?  And if not, why do we think He does?  And where else can this particular topic go??  I better just move on...
     Update: still bothered by this idea.  Grateful that indeed I was spared a more tragic circumstance, but still wondering about "God's plan" and all of that stuff.  Oddly enough, I am a believer in the whole "plan" idea most of the time; I frequently relate several stories that prove (to me, anyway) that I am where God wants me to be.  He has shown me enough times in the past, even as recently as a few years ago, that where I am and what I do are where I belong.  So why am I bothered by this?  I think it's because this one could have been serious, I guess.

Here are some more pleasant things and/or things I've learned: 

• I am a total badass...  This one has been the most surprising; I really figured I'd be in for A LOT more ribbing (pun intended), but apparently this is at least a little cool.  So I have decided to just go with it and remind everyone to wear their helmets all the time and such.
• The collarbone is the most frequently-broken bone in cycling.  It's apparently the weakest link in the chain as you hit the ground...
• SO MANY people are or have been willing to help out with stuff.  Even the superintendent, a frequent riding partner, sent me a text offering to come up to Manistee that morning and pick me up.  Lots of folks asking if I need rides or in general making sure I am doing OK.  That's pretty cool.  I received a nice homemade card and some homemade brownies from the drummers, lots of emails from parents of my students, and several text messages asking for updates.  
• I can do LEFT-handed stuff, but the ONE-handed stuff is hard.  I never realized how much, even though a particular task is using one hand, there's still a balance between the two or whatever.  I have been struggling with a few single-handed things, but it's getting better.  Getting dressed is still a challenge.  Brushing my teeth?  They really don't feel as clean when my left hand operates the brush!  The deodorant stick that I have used for years is long enough that I can apply it to my left pit with my left hand; I will leave the rest of personal hygiene to your imaginations...
• Update: things are getting much easier all the way around, though the teeth are still a challenge.  I am stretching my arm a bit and breathing deeply, etc.  Still no real "use" of the arm, because it does shout at me occasionally, but I don't plan on taking six months to recover.
• Ribs are attached to SO MANY things.  I haven't sneezed since May 31.  I live in absolute fear of the moment that I do.  Bending, sitting, standing, turning, coughing, yawning, blowing my nose, and all of that stuff is on a direct path through my ribcage!!
• Update:  STILL haven't sneezed.  I don't think I'll die any more, but still!  And now that it's June 20, there is a little challenge in the back of my mind to see if I can make it the entire month without sneezing :)
• The biggest problem is actually the muscles in my back that protect the ribs or whatever.  They get used to certain positions, and if I spend too much time out of position they tighten up to make sure my ribs stay in place (wow, what am I, a doctor now??).  So the other night when I went to lie down on the hotel bed it was several minutes before I could fully relax and stretch out as my back eased into place.  Working at the shop is also more difficult for the same reason, though there is nowhere to lie down... 
• I got stuck in my bed last week.  I thought I would try to lie down on it instead of the couch (which has a convenient left-hand footstool operation and is where I have been ensconced since that fateful Saturday), and it felt sooo good.  Then I tried getting up.  Can't roll to the right side - my shoulder will scream; I'm all the way to the right of a king-sized bed, so going left will take a few days and also require a complete rollover; and my legs hurt to lift/twist/move.  Uh-oh...  I finally managed to do a sort of painful crunch motion and use my lower body weight to sit up.  Going to give it a little longer before I try that again.
• Update:  The bed is getting closer to reality.  Slept in my own for several hours the other day, and the last couple nights in a hotel in Chicago and survived pretty well.  The hardest thing to remember is to not use my right arm to push or lift myself when I am standing up from anything - chair, couch, bed, etc.

So there you go.  I'm doing as well as can be expected; better, really.  I do find it kind of ironic (I think that's what I want to use) that while I frequently have days where I want to do nothing more than sit on the couch all day and be lazy, forced laziness makes me a little crazy.  I'd even settle for mowing the lawn or doing dishes.  OK, not the dishes.  Laundry, though.  I miss doing that.  
     Update:  I washed and folded several loads this past Monday/Tuesday.  The folds aren't as neat as they usually are, and I actually had to have a few rest breaks, but I'm back at it.
    Further update:  Saw my family doc at the bike shop the other day.  He had of course heard about the crash and received a copy of my X-rays, etc.  We chatted for a bit and he was far more encouraging than the orthopedic surgeon!  He's not as worried about me getting on the bike before September, so...  (I promise to take it easy!!!  The supe and I already have an easy one planned for July 1, just in case.) 

Thanks for listening.  I would appreciate any insights to any of the above thoughts, especially ones referring to the theology part :)

BE SAFE.  WEAR YOUR HELMET.  (Selling a helmet to a kid OR an adult seems to be so much easier when I am walking around in a sling with 5 broken ribs...)
 

Things I've Heard...

Ahh, May, when spring finally springs here in west Michigan, the tulips bloom, the bands march, and the school year winds down.  This is usually another one of those months in which I can get plenty of rides done but due to this or that schedule issue I frequently DON'T...  This year is shaping up to be another record, or close to one, anyway, as I have done almost 300 miles so far and have also managed to do a long ride each weekend.  So far it's been a couple of 50-milers and one of 68; the plan for today is 90-100.  I'm hoping it warms up a little!  It's in the low 50s right now; 63 in my living room, since we left some windows open last night!

Anyway, I came up with the idea for this particular post about a week ago when I received another compliment on my calves.  Yes, you read that correctly.  And it was indeed "another" compliment.  I was riding with some friends, and Tyson called out from behind me, "hey, Keith, have you been doing squats or something?  Your calves are huge!"  Some things you just don't get tired of hearing :)  (The actual answer to the question lies somewhere between genetics and bicycling, but no, I don't do leg weights.)

And from there I started thinking about compliments, how we receive compliments, and sort of started making a mental list of the ones I've heard. 

I remember one of my more "disastrous" trumpet performances from high school, after which an adult came up and told me I did a great job.  I demurred, telling him I wasn't happy with how it had gone.  My dad (who would be 92 years old today) kind of hit the roof on the way home.  "When someone compliments you, there is only one answer: THANK YOU.  That person isn't interested in what you thought about it; he was taking the time to give you a compliment and it is your job to accept it graciously and say thank you.  Don't make him think he wasted his time coming over to see you."  That one stuck with me over the last few decades, and I have tried to follow those strictly-given instructions!

So...  THANK YOU for all the compliments as I continue my journey!!  I really appreciate them, and the effort it took you to make them, and they really do make me happy.  I hope you don't mind if I let you into my brain here for a while as I list a few, as well as some of the thoughts that go with them from inside that brain.

"You look great."  Thank you!  I can't tell.  I see myself every day, and the changes are gradual.  As of yesterday I am down about 35 pounds in 17 months.  I can tell my clothes fit better, I can see that my face is thinner, etc., but I still don't think I look "great."  "Better"?  Sure.  But as I look in the mirror sometimes all I can see is how far I have to go.  (If I'm really honest here, sometimes that makes me wonder how bad I looked before!  I try not to go there, though...)

"Hey, there, skinny."  Ummm, no one's buying that...  Weight loss, yes; "skinny" is probably still 30-40 pounds away.  And I don't know how far this will end up going.

"You are looking strong on the bike this year.  Not just strong, but like you have good emotions or whatever.  You're doing great."  This one is very specific and probably the one that meant the most.  It came from Brad White, my boss at the shop, who happens to be a professional bicycle racer for the UnitedHealthCare Pro Cycling team.  Made it pretty easy to finish that particular ride with a little more spin in my pedals!

"You and I are going to have words, my friend."  Ahh, yes.  This one just happened last Tuesday after the weekly Tuesday Night Ride from VCC.  It came from Tyson, the aforementioned calf complimenter.  It came at the end of my first-ever ride with the infamous "Hot" group, the fastest of three groups that make up the TNR.  (Three groups allow folks to choose their pace for the night, and make it easy to have a group stay together.  I've never dared attempt "Hot.")  It was the night of my first-ever 20-mile hour (we were flying...), an 18+ mph average over 33 miles (including the slow rides to and from the shop, etc.), and in general the ride of my life.  I made it with that group 22 miles or so, then bailed at a turn I knew would take me back about five miles sooner.  I have never been so proud of myself!  So at the brewery afterward ("just water for me, thanks") I was expecting high fives, compliments, and general expressions of amazement at my abilities.  Nope.  "You and I are going to have words."  And he was right.  I bailed.  I could have done it, and I was the only one who doubted.  Tyson, Brad, and Alex were all pulling for me, and they were going to be there for me for the duration because that is what we do.  Even as I pulled off the back of the group Alex looked at me wide-eyed.  "You're turning?"  "Yeah, I don't think I can do the rest."  So I definitely appreciated the good-natured way they gave me hell about it when they got back.   Self-doubt is the worst.  Ask a few specific students of mine; they'll tell you how much I tell them to knock that crap off because I know they can do it...

"You're an inspiration."  Yeah, no, I'm not.  This one is the hardest to deal with.  I am hardly inspiring.  I am doing what I should have been doing decades ago but was too lazy/self-centered/young (maybe that last one defines the other two) to get it done.  Now I am fighting weight, blood pressure issues, and pre-diabetes.  I have trouble inspiring myself, so it's crazy to think I am inspiring anyone else.  But hey, if it works for you to read my stuff and see what I do and somehow improve your own life in some way due to that, then you are welcome to all the "inspiration" you need!

So there you go.  I would try harder to close this post better, but I need to go fuel up for the long ride that starts in an hour.  Smoothie time!!!

Monthly Update - April 2014

Wow, it's May already.  Hard to believe in a lot of ways, mostly because so far the high temp over the last few weeks has been about 45-50 instead of the usual ten or so degrees warmer.  Also hard to believe because I pretty much misplaced, I don't know, 2008-2010 or so...  How does time go by so fast??  (There's probably some kind of blog thought in that question, since I frequently have beaten myself up over the years thinking things like, "wow, if I had actually started {insert idea here} when I thought about it, I would have {insert result} by now."  (It may surprise you to know that I think about that idea more regarding taking up the bluegrass banjo than weight loss or anything else...)

Anyway, here's the story of April 2014.  NOT a great month as far as healthful food intake, with several instances of actual animal flesh passing my lips.  Yeah, I had a pepperoni pizza or two, and took a friend to Bdubs before he went on a long trip (because that's his favorite place on Earth, and he wouldn't "allow" me to get a salad or veggie burger), and even closed out the month at the breakfast buffet at the Hyatt Regency Chicago (consuming a possibly obscene amount of bacon) while we visited UIC with Erin.  Eggs have become a more regular staple of my diet as well, but that doesn't bother me as much for some reason; possibly because I only eat one or two, and with the meat products I can totally pig out.

So I managed to gain a few pounds on the one hand, but on the other?  The bike mileage has been piling up better than ever; I managed 125 during spring break (in MICHIGAN!), and several more good rides the rest of the month.  So here are some numbers:

Weight as of January 1, 2013 - 226 lbs
Weight as of May 3, 2014 - 195 lbs
Net loss - 31 lbs ("found" a couple that I lost previously...)
Bike mileage for April - 180 (beats last April's 29...)
Total mileage for 2014 to date - 755 (March was a REALLY bad month...)

So there you go.  There have been some great rides over the past few weeks, capped off with a chilly 53-miler to Grand Haven and back yesterday, during which time I climbed Five Mile Hill (never dropping below 8 mph!).  I was hoping for 1000 miles by May 1, but I'll take 750.  As a matter of fact, I should go take a short trip now to spin the legs out - they're a little sore this morning!

See you later.  Here's to a healthier lifestyle!