This one will be short, since there's not a lot to update you on based on the past 27 days. I could officially wait until Monday to do this, and get the actual month completely finished, but I'm sitting here with nothing to do, so here you go.
First of all, if you read my last post you know that the most disappointing thing of my entire calendar year (and potentially my entire cycling career) was the fact that the weather and ALL conditions for the National 24-Hour Challenge were perfect. Of all the times I signed up, this was the best. Nothing can compare...
Anyway, let's not dwell on the past. This week I decided to try my luck on the trainer again, so Nathan hooked me up with my official trainer tire and got the bike set up for me, and as of today I have done three sessions of 25, 25, and 35 minutes. About seven miles each time. I can reach the bars with my right arm now, but I know it will not hold me up and I can tell that it is not strong enough for any kind of reaction time as far as brakes and shifting if I were on the road. My back hurts after that much time, but today (35 min) was better and easier than the first two days this week. The legs are willing, but the back is weak, to coin a familiar phrase :)
I sneezed yesterday, too... Have you ever been terrified to sneeze? I was. Do you remember the last time you sneezed? I do. Sort of. Basically I know I didn't sneeze at all from May 31 to June 26. Guaranteed. And it wasn't too bad, thank goodness! I definitely felt it, but the ribs held on.
Number stuff:
Weight as of January 1, 2013 226 lbs
Weight as of June 27, 2014 188 lbs
Net loss 38 lbs
There was a moment yesterday when the scale read 185, so that was cool. At this rate I might still make 50 pounds by my 50th birthday in 33 days. Probably not, but you never know. I have always found it interesting that my weight can fluctuate 2-3 pounds in a day, though.
I'm planning to try some light outdoor workouts next week and see how it goes, but not on the road bike. I'll adjust the seat on the Bad Boy and use the upright position and flat bars to my advantage and take a couple easy spins around the block. (Since the bars are flat, the above-mentioned brakes and shifters are all at the end of my arms/hands instead of around the curve of the bars.)
Like I said, this will be a short one. And it was. See you later.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
I'm Not Sure Where This One Will Go
I actually started this post over a week ago but wasn't sure I wanted to publish it; I am leaving some of it in its pre-published form since those were the thoughts I was having at that time, you know? So I will provide updates where I think they're necessary and let you sort out the rest. Happy reading!
So the last ten days have provided me with ample time to think about many, many things. I have tried to NOT think about several of them, and some of them take me to places I'd rather not go. Want to come along? I'll take you through some of my thoughts of the last week or so...
Update: it's been 20 days as of today. Some of the following thoughts are still here or return occasionally:
At least I didn't die. Boom. Right out of the house with the big one. But I've had some difficulty stopping it. I grew up in a "worst-case-scenario" kind of house, and I've already explained in these pages how much of a pessimist I am, so this one, while unpleasant, isn't surprising. When I think of all the things that COULD have happened sometimes I just shudder and close my eyes and try to think of ANYTHING else.
Update: I still think of the worst case. But it is getting easier to put the thoughts of head injury, spinal cord injury, and death out of my head. A huge number of my fellow riders have said "that's just the way things are; you crashed. Move on." They're right.
I am so angry right now. Mostly at myself, obviously. And the fact that I screwed up "my year" on the bike. I have never felt so good on the bike, never so strong, never so fast. And I screwed it up in about 45 seconds. Careful readers will remember that over the last 18 months I have lost 35 pounds (up a couple since the crash...), I was over 1,000 miles on the bike by mid-May, and was totally and completely primed to crush my 24-Hour Challenge record this coming weekend. And now I can't ride outside until September (that much is clear; I plan on being on the stationary trainer ASAP, though).
Update: Still pissed... The 24-Hour Challenge passed the other day, and it was hands down the best day for it that I could remember. PERFECT weather and conditions. All my friends are riding and getting better and I am stuck at home. Stationary trainer this weekend!
I am also very sad and disappointed right now. The sad and disappointed kind of run around with the angry, so just read the above paragraph again and save us all some time. I remember when I was a kid (and even sometimes as an adult) being sick or otherwise away from school and looking at the clock and thinking about what everyone at school was doing at that moment. I am guessing that this coming weekend will be the worst part of that, and then maybe I will be able to move ahead. I am considering heading to the 24-Hour course this weekend and grabbing my shirt and water bottle, since they said they'd send them to me anyway, but I don't know if that will be better or worse.
Update: I didn't go to the course, but indeed marked the passage of time with my goals for the day. Sunday morning I wondered, at 7:45, if I would have made it to my goal of 275 miles. There are many times during the days when I wish I could be doing something that involves things I can't do (I did the dishes left-handed yesterday; I hate doing dishes, but needed to do something!). Ironically, many times during a regular summer I long to be lazy...
I think I am tired of anything theologically-related. Between my thoughts and others' comments, I'm not even sure what to think here. "Your guardian angel must have been there." Yep. Whew. "It wasn't your time, I guess." Pretty sure that one was a joke. I hope... See, the more I dwell on this whole line of thought the murkier it gets. Why was MY guardian angel working when, for instance, the one in charge of former Olympic swimmer Amy VanDyken was clearly not on the job? I know, I know, my upbringing and subsequent education tell me that the answer is "it's all part of God's plan." But I'm having a little trouble between the angel thing and the plan thing. A conversation with my sister and frequent family therapist Pam brought this up last week. She and I are at least partly in the same camp. Neither of us wants to do the "there but for the grace of God..." line, you know? Because does God really choose like that? And if so, why? And if not, why do we think He does? And where else can this particular topic go?? I better just move on...
Update: still bothered by this idea. Grateful that indeed I was spared a more tragic circumstance, but still wondering about "God's plan" and all of that stuff. Oddly enough, I am a believer in the whole "plan" idea most of the time; I frequently relate several stories that prove (to me, anyway) that I am where God wants me to be. He has shown me enough times in the past, even as recently as a few years ago, that where I am and what I do are where I belong. So why am I bothered by this? I think it's because this one could have been serious, I guess.
Here are some more pleasant things and/or things I've learned:
Update: I washed and folded several loads this past Monday/Tuesday. The folds aren't as neat as they usually are, and I actually had to have a few rest breaks, but I'm back at it.
Further update: Saw my family doc at the bike shop the other day. He had of course heard about the crash and received a copy of my X-rays, etc. We chatted for a bit and he was far more encouraging than the orthopedic surgeon! He's not as worried about me getting on the bike before September, so... (I promise to take it easy!!! The supe and I already have an easy one planned for July 1, just in case.)
Thanks for listening. I would appreciate any insights to any of the above thoughts, especially ones referring to the theology part :)
BE SAFE. WEAR YOUR HELMET. (Selling a helmet to a kid OR an adult seems to be so much easier when I am walking around in a sling with 5 broken ribs...)
So the last ten days have provided me with ample time to think about many, many things. I have tried to NOT think about several of them, and some of them take me to places I'd rather not go. Want to come along? I'll take you through some of my thoughts of the last week or so...
Update: it's been 20 days as of today. Some of the following thoughts are still here or return occasionally:
At least I didn't die. Boom. Right out of the house with the big one. But I've had some difficulty stopping it. I grew up in a "worst-case-scenario" kind of house, and I've already explained in these pages how much of a pessimist I am, so this one, while unpleasant, isn't surprising. When I think of all the things that COULD have happened sometimes I just shudder and close my eyes and try to think of ANYTHING else.
Update: I still think of the worst case. But it is getting easier to put the thoughts of head injury, spinal cord injury, and death out of my head. A huge number of my fellow riders have said "that's just the way things are; you crashed. Move on." They're right.
I am so angry right now. Mostly at myself, obviously. And the fact that I screwed up "my year" on the bike. I have never felt so good on the bike, never so strong, never so fast. And I screwed it up in about 45 seconds. Careful readers will remember that over the last 18 months I have lost 35 pounds (up a couple since the crash...), I was over 1,000 miles on the bike by mid-May, and was totally and completely primed to crush my 24-Hour Challenge record this coming weekend. And now I can't ride outside until September (that much is clear; I plan on being on the stationary trainer ASAP, though).
Update: Still pissed... The 24-Hour Challenge passed the other day, and it was hands down the best day for it that I could remember. PERFECT weather and conditions. All my friends are riding and getting better and I am stuck at home. Stationary trainer this weekend!
I am also very sad and disappointed right now. The sad and disappointed kind of run around with the angry, so just read the above paragraph again and save us all some time. I remember when I was a kid (and even sometimes as an adult) being sick or otherwise away from school and looking at the clock and thinking about what everyone at school was doing at that moment. I am guessing that this coming weekend will be the worst part of that, and then maybe I will be able to move ahead. I am considering heading to the 24-Hour course this weekend and grabbing my shirt and water bottle, since they said they'd send them to me anyway, but I don't know if that will be better or worse.
Update: I didn't go to the course, but indeed marked the passage of time with my goals for the day. Sunday morning I wondered, at 7:45, if I would have made it to my goal of 275 miles. There are many times during the days when I wish I could be doing something that involves things I can't do (I did the dishes left-handed yesterday; I hate doing dishes, but needed to do something!). Ironically, many times during a regular summer I long to be lazy...
I think I am tired of anything theologically-related. Between my thoughts and others' comments, I'm not even sure what to think here. "Your guardian angel must have been there." Yep. Whew. "It wasn't your time, I guess." Pretty sure that one was a joke. I hope... See, the more I dwell on this whole line of thought the murkier it gets. Why was MY guardian angel working when, for instance, the one in charge of former Olympic swimmer Amy VanDyken was clearly not on the job? I know, I know, my upbringing and subsequent education tell me that the answer is "it's all part of God's plan." But I'm having a little trouble between the angel thing and the plan thing. A conversation with my sister and frequent family therapist Pam brought this up last week. She and I are at least partly in the same camp. Neither of us wants to do the "there but for the grace of God..." line, you know? Because does God really choose like that? And if so, why? And if not, why do we think He does? And where else can this particular topic go?? I better just move on...
Update: still bothered by this idea. Grateful that indeed I was spared a more tragic circumstance, but still wondering about "God's plan" and all of that stuff. Oddly enough, I am a believer in the whole "plan" idea most of the time; I frequently relate several stories that prove (to me, anyway) that I am where God wants me to be. He has shown me enough times in the past, even as recently as a few years ago, that where I am and what I do are where I belong. So why am I bothered by this? I think it's because this one could have been serious, I guess.
Here are some more pleasant things and/or things I've learned:
- I am a total badass... This one has been the most surprising; I really figured I'd be in for A LOT more ribbing (pun intended), but apparently this is at least a little cool. So I have decided to just go with it and remind everyone to wear their helmets all the time and such.
- The collarbone is the most frequently-broken bone in cycling. It's apparently the weakest link in the chain as you hit the ground...
- SO MANY people are or have been willing to help out with stuff. Even the superintendent, a frequent riding partner, sent me a text offering to come up to Manistee that morning and pick me up. Lots of folks asking if I need rides or in general making sure I am doing OK. That's pretty cool. I received a nice homemade card and some homemade brownies from the drummers, lots of emails from parents of my students, and several text messages asking for updates.
- I can do LEFT-handed stuff, but the ONE-handed stuff is hard. I never realized how much, even though a particular task is using one hand, there's still a balance between the two or whatever. I have been struggling with a few single-handed things, but it's getting better. Getting dressed is still a challenge. Brushing my teeth? They really don't feel as clean when my left hand operates the brush! The deodorant stick that I have used for years is long enough that I can apply it to my left pit with my left hand; I will leave the rest of personal hygiene to your imaginations...
- Update: things are getting much easier all the way around, though the teeth are still a challenge. I am stretching my arm a bit and breathing deeply, etc. Still no real "use" of the arm, because it does shout at me occasionally, but I don't plan on taking six months to recover.
- Ribs are attached to SO MANY things. I haven't sneezed since May 31. I live in absolute fear of the moment that I do. Bending, sitting, standing, turning, coughing, yawning, blowing my nose, and all of that stuff is on a direct path through my ribcage!!
- Update: STILL haven't sneezed. I don't think I'll die any more, but still! And now that it's June 20, there is a little challenge in the back of my mind to see if I can make it the entire month without sneezing :)
- The biggest problem is actually the muscles in my back that protect the ribs or whatever. They get used to certain positions, and if I spend too much time out of position they tighten up to make sure my ribs stay in place (wow, what am I, a doctor now??). So the other night when I went to lie down on the hotel bed it was several minutes before I could fully relax and stretch out as my back eased into place. Working at the shop is also more difficult for the same reason, though there is nowhere to lie down...
- I got stuck in my bed last week. I thought I would try to lie down on it instead of the couch (which has a convenient left-hand footstool operation and is where I have been ensconced since that fateful Saturday), and it felt sooo good. Then I tried getting up. Can't roll to the right side - my shoulder will scream; I'm all the way to the right of a king-sized bed, so going left will take a few days and also require a complete rollover; and my legs hurt to lift/twist/move. Uh-oh... I finally managed to do a sort of painful crunch motion and use my lower body weight to sit up. Going to give it a little longer before I try that again.
- Update: The bed is getting closer to reality. Slept in my own for several hours the other day, and the last couple nights in a hotel in Chicago and survived pretty well. The hardest thing to remember is to not use my right arm to push or lift myself when I am standing up from anything - chair, couch, bed, etc.
Update: I washed and folded several loads this past Monday/Tuesday. The folds aren't as neat as they usually are, and I actually had to have a few rest breaks, but I'm back at it.
Further update: Saw my family doc at the bike shop the other day. He had of course heard about the crash and received a copy of my X-rays, etc. We chatted for a bit and he was far more encouraging than the orthopedic surgeon! He's not as worried about me getting on the bike before September, so... (I promise to take it easy!!! The supe and I already have an easy one planned for July 1, just in case.)
Thanks for listening. I would appreciate any insights to any of the above thoughts, especially ones referring to the theology part :)
BE SAFE. WEAR YOUR HELMET. (Selling a helmet to a kid OR an adult seems to be so much easier when I am walking around in a sling with 5 broken ribs...)
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