I have conversations with people about birthdays and age quite a bit. Teaching high school means that I get to see kids hit some milestone birthdays - usually 16 (driver's license) and 18 (voting, cigarettes, lottery tickets, and a host of other "adult" privileges that suddenly become legally available to them). I've talked with former students and my own kids, usually at birthday celebrations, that there are also lots of "pointless" birthdays, and that once you get beyond 21 everything is pretty much just people making fun of you because you're old. (Seriously - 19 and 20 are pretty unremarkable, right? You can already vote, you can buy and do several new legal adult things, but you can't legally buy alcohol, for instance. And 22? 23? Who cares? But let a guy hit 30, for goodness' sake, and people start bringing canes, black balloons, and "Over the Hill"-themed cakes with black frosting to the party...) And 30 is now 20 years behind me at this point.
So how do I feel about turning 50? I have no idea. Mostly because I've never been 50, and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Let's take an inventory of "feelings:"
- I'm in the best physical shape of my adult life. I weighed less in 1995 but was not as physically active, etc. So that's out - I don't feel "physically" old.
- I am in a place of security and stability in my life. Two great kids in fine universities, a stable job I've held for 22+ years (27+ if you count the beginning of my teaching career; 30-something if you count that I decided what I was going to be when I grew up sometime around age 15-16), a house in a great community, etc., etc. So that gives me many years of great experience and maybe even some wisdom, but it doesn't make me "old."
- I have been married to quite possibly the only person in the world who could put up with me for this long. Just passed the 24-year mark with Dana, as a matter of fact. And we started dating in 1986/87, so we've both known each other longer than half our lives... I'd honestly hate being "young" and going through all the dating and other nonsense right now, so although 28 years together is a long time, that doesn't make me "old," either.
- I have great friends of ALL ages. Some of them keep me "young", for sure - in just the last year I have tried longboarding for several yards at a time, mountain bike and road bike rides with folks of a different "generation" than mine, and conversations and experiences that make me laugh and enjoy my time with the 15 - 30-ish age group.
- I'M THE YOUNGEST KID IN MY FAMILY. ALL of my siblings will always be older than I am! (Sorry. Couldn't resist that one...)
- Bifocals happened since I turned 40 or so. Those really suck. It's an age thing, too - very few people need bifocals before age 40, and pretty much everyone's eyes weaken with age.
- I have some profound hearing loss due to my job, which has resulted in me having to use hearing aids the last year. It officially has nothing to do with age at this point, but you just don't see a lot of hip young guys wearing them, ya know?
- I lost my hair so long ago I don't even remember it, really, so I guess this one could go in either list. I certainly don't miss having it; if it's not there I don't have to take care of it or spend money on it.
- OK, this has to be mentioned... Maybe you saw Bill Cosby's "49" comedy presentation several years ago. Hilarious. And the part where he talks about ear hair? Holy cow, it's funny because it's TRUE. What the heck is it about the aging process that causes ears, nose, eyebrows, and other random parts of your body to suddenly sprout wild, uncontrollable hairs??? Seriously, a few times a year I'll get this rogue filament growing out of the side of my left ear. Stands there all nice and proud, saluting the world as it makes me look ridiculous. "Woo-hoo, I made it! Nothing is supposed to grow here, but I've defied the odds. Hello, world!!" Damn things... I still remember the first one. Anyway...
- I'm nearly down to my wedding day weight, but I'm pretty sure I looked better then - the weight seems to cling to different places with each passing decade! Working on getting rid of the side fat right now. Where the heck did side fat come from? Man boobs? Don't get me started...
- Things do seem to fail faster and heal slower at this age - tendinitis, for instance, which was never an issue when I was younger.
- I'VE RECEIVED TWO MAILINGS FROM AARP. Enough said. (OK, except for this - who can retire at 50?? More on that later.)
OK, let's talk retirement. The AARP has indeed sent me two separate mailings about joining their organization, and I probably will. But I will say that the only reason I would retire at 50 is so I could still do lots of fun and cool stuff. I would LOVE to have more time to ride, more time to hang with friends, more time to be as lazy as I want to be. Too bad that whole eating and paying the electric bill thing is so important... So I can't retire, but why would I?
What else do people think about when they're 50? Apparently that they'd like to stay being 50. In a recent non-scientific telephone survey from NBC's Today show, a majority of respondents said that 50 - yes, 50 - is the best age. Apparently we're still young enough to do cool stuff, but old enough to know better kind of thing. You can read it for yourself if you want to. This probably indicates why so many men my age finally buy themselves a Corvette: they're old enough to afford it and still young enough to enjoy it for many years. (And they don't have to share it with their kids...)
Ever since I turned 42, though, I've thought a lot about things from a strange perspective: my dad was 42 when I was born, so I frequently wonder what it would be like at my age to have a kid right now. And honestly, I don't know how he did it. I'm not a huge fan of little kids (my own were OK...), and having a 7-8 year-old right now? Can't even imagine. Yet I have two HS classmates who were recently blessed with children and are loving every minute of it, as I am sure I would. I just can't get my mind around it at this time!
Speaking of kids, I have a bunch in my life that make it awesome. Nathan and Erin, my two biological ones, get time here first, because there have probably been too many times that other kids ended up with priority somehow. Nathan is an amazing musician, and he and I have gotten to work together at the bike shop this summer. He has even joined Dana and me in a quest for a healthier lifestyle: a 28-day detox with me to start the summer, and a 30-day cleanse beginning the day after that. He's lost 15 pounds and lowered his blood pressure (which was unusually high for his age and weight class).
Erin and I are cut from the same cloth, as the saying goes. If you appreciate my cynicism and sardonic ways, then you will love Erin. She can rant with the best of us, and blames me for teaching her. "I learned from the best!" she will say as she finishes a tirade... She also did a detox with the family last winter, and has adopted a vegetarian diet; she's not quite willing to give up some of the things that vegan requires. We are just glad she's healthy and aware of what goes into her body.
Other kids? Wow... I'm around teenagers almost every single day of my life. It's hard keeping up sometimes, mostly with what the current language and expressions are, but also with the energy level. THAT has changed in the recent past, though, with the caffeine-free old guy able to match them stride-for-stride and then some as they work through their over-tired days (a future post needs to deal more with kids' eating habits and how I am beginning to believe that there is a solid connection between diet and ADHD and other teen maladies).
But kids are great. I've written about a few - Jared, Daylin, Jalen - who have inspired or pushed me (or driven me to the hospital...), but there is not enough room or time here to write about all of them. The ones who text and ask how I'm feeling after my crash; the ones who constantly give me grief, smiling the whole time as they poke at my idiosyncrasies; the ones who still stop by well into their 20s or even 30s; the ones who trust me enough to help them through their latest life-changing issue. I am blessed to know them and be a part of their lives and have them in mine. A couple years ago the saxophone section gave me the "World's Best Dad" award. How cool is that? And this year I get to spend several hours of my actual birthday with about 25 of them: the section leaders and DMs in the band have leadership "camp" this week, and the last day is my birthday. Honestly, I can't think of a much better group to spend my day with.
So there it is. 50? Old? Feelings? If any of the above make me old, then I guess I am. How do I feel about it? I FEEL GREAT.
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